If you’re anything like me, making decisions – especially big ones that will leave an impact on your heart, your life or someone else- can be an excruciating process of option-weighing, backing and forthing, doubt, sleepless nights and paralyzing anxiety.

How do I know I’m making the right choice? What if I go in this direction and I completely fail (am miserable, wish I’d gone with what’s behind door #2, ect.)?  Does any of this sound familiar?  Now ideally this type of lengthy process doesn’t come up too often (or on things like deciding which type of toothpaste to buy or Thai food with or without extra spice).

But if so, and you find yourself caught in an agonizing limbo on what to do – read on as I share what I did that helped me get instant clarity while I was on the fence.

I recently went to Tulsa to explore the idea of moving there (yes, you read that right – as in Oklahoma). Just days before I found the most amazing apartment on Zillow. Twice the square footage, original hard woods, tons of windows,  bright, open and airy. And for LESS than I currently pay on my small (but cozy) shoebox in Dallas.  I called the property manager and quickly had an appointment lined up as soon I as arrived in town. She’d been showing it a lot and mentioned vacancies in the building rent within a day  – so the time to act was now.  It was every bit as gorgeous in person as I thought it would be.  But something inside felt torn about making a decision only a couple of hours after I arrived.

It seemed so fast. But that apartment was so incredible. And affordable! I told her I needed to sleep on it.  Fast forward 12 hours later –  friendly chats with new people, an incredible yoga class and zero traffic had me convinced I needed to go for it. I requested an app, filled it out and by 4:45 the next day found myself approved, getting my deposit in order and signing the lease. The manager requested I drop it in their mail slot and as I waltzed up the steps to the building – I was riddled with apprehension.

It all happened so fast that I barely had time to really think things through.  Would I even like living in Tulsa? I love the city and visited many times, but living there? Would I make friends easily? Could I open a space and find clients there? The idea of making a new home and a fresh space seemed so enticing. This apartment was what I WANTED.  It was my opening to a new chapter.  But I suddenly found myself parked on the front steps in a whirlwind of anxiety, unable to get myself to put the deposit in the mailslot.  In 15 minutes I needed to do this or the apartment went to the other guy.  I wasn’t sure about staying and I didn’t like the alternative of not taking it and being back at square one again.

I was stuck.

SO..

I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths.
I shook out my arms and hands and did some neck stretches to work out the nerves.
I came back to my breath and as my brain started to settle
I placed my hands over my heart and asked “What do I need to do?”
WAIT 

From the bottom of my gut, the murky fathoms below, my answer rose to the surface. Over and over again.  “WAIT” – it said.

UGH. WAIT? Seriously? But nothing else is lined up! Now what?! Thoughts of “I’ll be forever confined to my cramped space in Dallas” and other overly-dramatic thoughts ran through my head.

Reluctantly however,  wait is what I did. I quietly drove away and said farewell to coffees I would’ve had at the nearby coffeeshop, trips to the florist, wine bar, early morning runs in the neighborhood and all the ideas I had on decorating that beautiful space. It was tough.

One of my favorite quotes by Donna Farhi, states that “the truth is rarely convenient”.

This certainly wasn’t convenient, but it was my truth. And I know from past experience that it’s bad news when I don’t listen.

So the next time you’re caught in the throws of a big decision: a career change, leaving that lackluster job, a new city, whether to stay or end a relationship – get quiet.

Find your breath. Move around if it feels natural and give yourself a moment to still the chatter in your head.

And simply ask your Self (God, the Universe, the Divine – whatever works for you):

What do I need to do?

You won’t always like the answer. In fact, I would argue that  MOST of the time you WON’T like the answer. But listen to it anyway and trust it.

Trust yourself. You always know the answer. Always.

Much love on and off the mat,

Bethany